Unintentional Isolation
I caught up with Kimeron again to continue our ongoing conversation about homosexuality. You can read our previous dialogues here. Here is the latest question I asked him, “I know there are a lot of people that maliciously try to alienate and hurt gay people’s feelings on purpose. Aside from people like that, what do people do unintentionally that cause a gay person to feel judged or isolated?”
Kimeron: “My first response would have to be the assumptions that people make about me or other gay people based only on stereotypes or characters from TV or the movies. For example, not all gay people cross dress, or are sexually promiscuous, or are anti-religion. We are individuals just like not all straight people have affairs or get divorced. It is awkward and uncomfortable when people make assumptions about me, which requires sometimes taking a light-hearted moment and making it serious because I need to speak up and counter the impression that person has. Listening to jokes about gay people, even if not intended to be hurtful, but that perpetuate a stereotype is very uncomfortable. Jokes, for example, where the person mocks effeminate men or masculine women, suggest to me that the person telling it is not comfortable around gays or is incredibly insensitive to the possibility that someone they know or love might be offended.
Other more obvious ways that people can create an uncomfortable situation is by asking questions that assume the person you just met is straight. I am asked frequently about my “wife” because I wear a wedding band as a symbol of my commitment to Brad. It creates a moment of awkwardness, especially if I don’t know the person, because I have to decide whether to bring up the issue for discussion (which I may not want to do in every social setting) or to avoid answering, etc. It’s much simpler if the person just says “what does your partner do?”. I know it takes some getting used to when you first start using the term “partner”, but actually I’ve found that in California many people use this term I think because of the many varieties of relationships out here (including heterosexual couples who may not be married, or are domestic partners, or are just dating, etc.). Not inviting my partner to dinners or social events is another way that can be unintentional, but is unfair and hurtful.
There’s an excellent book written by Episcopal bishop John Shelby Spong called ‘Living in Sin: A Bishop Rethinks Human Sexuality’ that I read some years ago that was just an amazing blessing to me. Rev. Spong is himself heterosexual, but believes that many Christians have missed the boat on ministering to the human sexuality side of us all. He talks about for example how the church has rites to bless marriages (of straight people), but has no formal form of ritual to help people deal with divorce. He also believes strongly that dogmatically rejecting gay people based on a few Biblical passages that may or may not actually mean what we think they mean, is wrong. His other significant book to me personally is called ‘Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism.’”
July 6th, 2009 at 9:45 AM
Im not sure. How would or should I deal with someone that is liveing in sin? I do belive that we should love the person and hate the sin, The bible also says Jesus said that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is unforgivable. This has worried many sincere Christians, but it does not need to. The unforgivable sin means attributing to Satan the work that the Holy Spirit accomplishes (see Matthew 12:24-32; Mark 3:22-29). Thus it is deliberate and ongoing rejection of the Holy Spirit’s work and even of God himself. A person who has committed this sin has shut himself or herself off from God so thoroughly that he or she is unaware of any sin at all. A person who fears having committed it shows, by his or her very concern, that he or she has not sinned in this way.
BIBLE READING: Romans 6:15-23
KEY BIBLE VERSE: The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)So this is what it say about sin. but what about how we should approch this being a sinner myself.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:25 AM
Tom,
I will welcome respectful debate on this issue. The intention of this dialogue is to cause the Church to respond more like Jesus when it comes to this topic. With that said, I think citing blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is totally out of context here. If anything, Kimeron will attribute more things to God than a typical Christian will.
I cannot remotely see a reason why any believer would want to unintentionally isolate anyone. One of the most intriguing things about Jesus to me is that He drew the “worst” sinners to Him while He also had a habit of repelling the religious leaders. We have got that switched today.
It is one thing to take a stand against an issue in a respectful, deliberate way. It is quite another to unintentionally alienate the people that you want to reach with your message.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:36 AM
I really appreciated reading your conversations with Kimeron. It is refreshing and honest to talk with and discuss a person who is homosexual instead of a faceless “homosexuality”. Jesus really does seem to love everyone, not just those who believe and act a certain way. Thank you for sharing this.
Zac´s last blog… Clint Dempsey and Team USA show heart
July 6th, 2009 at 9:05 PM
Tom, I appreciate the fact that you are reading Jeremy’s blog. I can assure you that I feel the presence of God in my life every day. It is your choice to believe that or not. Your beliefs will in no way effect my personal relationship with God.
Having said that, I’ve often wondered if God reveals himself to different people in different ways. Maybe God shows himself to you in a way that works best for who you are but reveals something completely different to me. I was raised to see God as all powerful, all benevolent, and all knowing and a presence that human beings could not begin to understand completely. The day that I accepted that I did not have all the answers was the day I began to find my faith again. I hope that you have the same kind of experience with God that I’ve had, of being loved and accepted, blessed and protected.
All I really know is what I’ve experienced in my own life and the blessings that I’ve received. I attribute them to God, partially because God is unconditionally loving in my mind, and partially, because I choose to tell the truth as I see it, regardless of what others tell me they believe is true. I believe God loves me for facing the truth within myself even when it was scary to do so.
Zac, thank you for your kindness.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:17 AM
As I continue to read the Bible using Prof. Horner’s 10 List plan, I find I still do not possess a great skill in retention. Right now, like everything else in my walk with Jesus, I am trying to be consistent in the reading. The comprehension will come, I pray. But I am at certain parts where Jesus is telling the “religious” people that they dont get it; Paul is telling believers that if they (and lists so many spiritual shortcomings, he had to have had me in mind) they have major problems; Job still wondering what the heck he did wrong. One thing I get out of the reading and the dialog on this blog… I am a seeker of God’s wisdom, forgiveness, guidance and love. If Kimeron and I walked into church on Sunday, would I be accepted more than him? If my fellow “churchers” knew what I have done on my walk with Jesus, I wonder. Are we not both fellow seekers? God has worked in my life, little by little. Sorry this is so long Jeremy.
Greg M´s last blog… Sarah Palin’s Higher Calling
July 8th, 2009 at 9:24 AM
Greg,
Thanks for sharing this and way to tackle the 10 list reading plan! Don’t worry about trying to force yourself into retention, you are already beginning to see a more complete mosaic of the Bible and how it weaves together. Reading through Scripture regularly is one of the greatest habits you can develop.
We are all broken and sinful people. I pray that those of us who follow Christ will open ourselves daily to becoming more like Him and more like the person He created us to be. And I pray that we create an environment of grace and truth for others to begin their own journey as well no matter where they are.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:37 AM
Greg,
The church is a system made up of many different people, all of whom vary in their belief about SOMETHING. Some will tolerate you because they see themselves in you and have pity. Others will judge you because they see themselves in you and hate that. You might get burned by being “who you are” in front of some church leaders, but Jeremy will (and has) honestly dialogue with you and share what he has found to be true from his spiritual sojourn. It is not that he has found the answer to living a perfect life, but that he has found a relationship with his Creator that inspires him to be more like Him. He’s a humble guy, and he may not always want to talk about himself, so others may do it for him. Based on what I have seen of Jeremy, this is who he is.
Keep searching for the truth. I believe that you are finding it.
Zac´s last blog… Human Nature
July 8th, 2009 at 9:47 AM
Jeremy and Zac, it is always good to read what you post. I have many more years on earth than you, but I can see God’s Realness in people of all ages. Jeremy, I appreciate your teaching and what you share. And Zac, my daughter Melissa will always remember when Mr. Jack was her Sunday School teacher when we all attended Trinity. May we all continue to be open to what God has in store for us.
Greg M´s last blog… Sarah Palin’s Higher Calling
July 17th, 2009 at 2:19 PM
Kimeron:
Thank you for your honesty and sincerity in your conversation with Jeremy. What do you believe about what God, through the Bible, has said concerning homosexuality? If God said that homosexuality is a sin, how would that affect your life?
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CS