Tag Archive - Church

Duct Tape, Myths, and Divorce

October 18, 2010 in Church, Preaching with 3 Comments

UPDATE*** 10/19-2010 – after a few requests for my closing quote, I have included it as well as some of my other quotes at the end of this post.

Here is some follow up content to my message this weekend at Central.

There are 5 myths (probably more) that a person considering divorce usually believes going into it; while a person who has been divorced knows to be false:

  1. Divorce is easy. “Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary by-pass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it.” -Mary Kay Blakely. Ask any divorced person you know whether they thought it was easy and I’d be stunned to find even one person. When you think about legal fees, separating possessions, kids, social awkwardness, living residencies, emotional issues, etc, and there is little simplicity in the process.
  2. I will have more money. “Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted.” -Richard Wagner. Many people anticipate child support but “spousal maintenance” is often overlooked. I recently heard of one person who owes $3500 a month on his ex alone. Divorce means that you will pay lawyers to communicate instead of you (realistically tens of thousands of dollars), and the fees will quickly begin to add up. One person on our Facebook page said it this way, “We communicated better during the divorce than the years leading up to it.” Studies show that women experiencing divorce face roughly a 30 percent decline in the standard of living they enjoyed while married and men show a 10 percent decline.
  3. It will be better for my kids. One person on our Facebook said that “Divorce is hardest on our children.” I’ve seen the devastation that happens to the kids firsthand by watching what my wife has gone through, and she was 22 when her parents got divorced. With younger kids they usually feel some of the blame themselves that they often carry with them indefinitely into their adult lives. Not to mention their idea of stability has been shattered and they now watch as their parents are reduced to just trying to be civil. This also drastically increases their chances that they will experience a divorce themselves as it becomes “normal” to them.
  4. It won’t bother me if they move on. “You can fire your secretary, divorce your spouse, abandon your children. But they remain your co-authors forever.” -Ellen Goodman. While you may think that you want to get as far away from your current spouse as possible, most people don’t anticipate the feelings of turmoil that they go through when they watch that person begin to move on. If you have kids, this is exponentially more true. Imagine watching another person raise your kids part time and hearing them call another person “dad” or “mom” in addition to you.
  5. I will have less problems. Read 1-4. You will be dealing with the repercussions from your divorce for the rest of your life. As one comment on our Facebook said, “Divorce is the ‘tearing of flesh’ that God made into one flesh. You will never be the same.”

The moral of the story is that divorce isn’t remotely as painless as the world is trying to tell us. It’s not God’s desire for our lives for a reason. God offers forgiveness and healing for any mistake we make in our lives but we need to rethink divorce as the easy solution that culture tells us it is. On a side note, for those of you that were privileged enough to see the glory of my custom made duct tape wallet this weekend, here is my elementary school friend that taught me how to do it. Enjoy!

I closed the service with a quote from Lewis Smedes, “The Power of Promises”

“Yes, somewhere people still make and keep promises. They choose not to quit when the going gets rough because they promised once to see it through. They stick to lost causes. They hold on to a love grown cold. They stay with people who have become pains in the neck. They still dare to make promises and care enough to keep the promises they make. I want to say to you that if you have a ship you will not desert, if you have people you will not forsake, if you have causes you will not abandon, then you are like God.

What a marvelous thing a promise is! When a person makes a promise, she reaches out into an unpredictable future and makes one thing predictable: she will be there even when being there costs her more than she wants to pay. When a person makes a promise, he stretches himself out into circumstances that no one can control and controls at least one thing: he will be there no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. With one simple word of promise, a person creates an island of certainty in a sea of uncertainty.”

Also, here are some of the verses and quotes that I used:

“Divorce is like an amputation. Sometimes it’s necessary but it should be avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability.” Bill Doherty

Malachi 2:16 “‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel, ‘and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the Lord Almighty.”

Matthew 19:3-10 (main passage of the weekend)

“The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce.” Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

“Biblically, polygamy is a hundred times more acceptable than divorce.” Paul Stevens

Matthew 5:43-47

What is the Purpose of the Church?

July 23, 2010 in Church with 5 Comments

Here are Michael Frost’s thoughts on the purpose of the church. I love his movie trailer analogy.

Hipster Christianity

July 22, 2010 in Church, Reading with 0 Comments

hipster christianity - brett mccrackenI’ll admit up front, my respect for Brett McCracken is growing quickly. After reading his answers to my interview with him, and having just finished his first book, Hipster Christianity (due out August 1st), I’ve realized that this is a guy who is a remarkably challenging voice for Christians and the Church. He avoids relying on “shock and awe” to communicate, he speaks from a position unabashedly sold out to Christ and His Church, and he articulates himself well.

In this book he asks the question if Christianity should be cool. As part of the Church, what is our role in making it cooler or abandoning it as simply uncool?

I’ve read his book in just a few days. I knew it would be good when he started his introduction with a C.S. Lewis quote. Brett speaks for my generation with insights that I’ve rarely seen communicated so efficiently and accurately, but he also tackles the tough questions that I continue to wrestle with. This is probably the best book about making sense of the Church in America that I’ve seen. Because of his position as managing editor of Biola Magazine, and probably because of his love of reading, you feel like you are reading twenty books by simply reading his. He does a great job of bringing other voices into the discussion and giving his opinion on how to make sense of it all.

Here are a few quotes from the book that stood out to me:

“And looking back, this only proves to me just how instinctual and natural the drive for cool is in humanity. We want recognition and elite status; we want to occupy places of invidious distinction. Quite simply: we want to be the people everyone else wants to be.”

“If, as I argued earlier, the desire to be cool stems from the desire to be free, then America was ripe for a hip revolution. Nowhere has the desire for freedom–for unshackled, self-made sovereignty–been stronger. We are indeed the country that was born to be hip.”

“We should simply focus on our craft, on making the best art we can. We should understand that people will and should resonate with our work not because it is Christian but because it is good. Above all, Christians should make good art, true art; art unafraid of exploring mystery, portraying evil, and looking for truth wherever it appears. Which is exactly what the best secular artists are doing.”

“The church is not our creation; it is prior to creation. We must have confidence that we are the body of Christ and not just some transitory means to an end. We are the end.”

“True relevance, for example, does not fear unpopularity. Because it clings to eternal truths, relevant Christianity doesn’t feel hurt when people don’t smile and nod affirmingly at everything it says. It doesn’t flinch when accused of being ‘out of the loop’ or ‘behind the times.’ Accusing something eternal of being behind the times is, of course, laughable.”

The Will of God

April 19, 2010 in Church, Jesus, Preaching, Reading with 0 Comments

Here are a couple of quotes I used this past weekend from Francis Chan’s book, the Forgotten God.

“It is easy to use the phrase ‘God’s will for my life’ as an excuse for inaction or even disobedience. It’s much less demanding to think about God’s will for your future than it is to ask Him what He wants you to do in the next ten minutes. It’s safer to commit to following Him someday instead of this day.”


“You don’t need the Holy Spirit if you are merely seeking to live a semi-moral life and attend church regularly. You can find people of all sorts in many religions doing that quite nicely without Him. You only need the Holy Spirit’s guidance and help if you truly want to follow the Way of Jesus Christ. You only need Him if you desire to ‘obey everything’ He commanded and to teach others to do the same. You only need the Holy Spirit if you have genuinely repented and believe. And you only need the Holy Spirit if you understand that you are called to share in Christ’s suffering and death, as well as His resurrection… If you truly believe and have turned from the way you were headed and joined a different Way of living, then you desperately need the Holy Spirit. You know you cannot live this Way without the Spirit in you.”


Living by the Spirit of God each day is a choice, as is understanding the will of God. Don’t worry about getting the whole picture in advance – rarely does God work that way (although I’m sure guys like Noah, Abraham, and Moses would have appreciated it). Focus on living for Him a moment at a time and learning to allow His Spirit to be your driving force.


On a side note, if you are a Francis Chan fan (say that ten times fast) then you might be interested in watching this video where he explains that he just stepped down from his church ministry position and why.

Happy Easter Monday!

April 5, 2010 in Church, Jesus with 0 Comments

If you came to one of our 14 Easter services at Central this weekend, you heard us close the message with a quote from John Ortberg, pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian church in California. This comes from an Easter message that he did in the past. We used just the last part of this but here is a longer version of it. Christ provides the hope for the ultimate crisis in our lives. He has paid the cost of forgiveness!

“I cannot think of an Easter in recent memory where there was a bigger need for hope, for something that would breathe life into the human spirit. A year ago, so many people … felt like they were on pretty solid ground. [Now they] find themselves in circumstances they never would have predicted.


A lot of people … are feeling anxious. They have pressures … that they did not have [before]. They [regret] decisions they’ve made over this last year. They wonder where things will stand a year from now.


Nobody ever wants a season of hard times … to come, but when they do, they have a way of making you … ask, What am I really counting on? Am I building my life on a foundation that’s solid enough that circumstances beyond my control cannot take it away? That’s why I’ve been looking forward to Easter … [a time when] we gather to remember the only hope capable of sustaining a human life through everything.


People have not gathered for the past 2,000 years to say, ‘The stock market has risen. It has risen indeed.’ They have not gathered to say, ‘The dollar has risen. It has risen indeed.’ Or, ‘the employment rate has risen.’ Or, ‘the gross domestic product has risen.’ Or, ‘General Motors has risen.’ Or, ‘The value of your 401(k) has risen.’ Here’s the one hope that has held up human beings across every continent and culture for two millennia of difficult times of poverty, disease, pain, hardship, [and] death itself: ‘Christ is risen. He is risen indeed.’”

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