I searched for some deeper meaning to connect to this post. I’ve got nothing. This is nothing more than a way to brighten your day with a few laughs. But most of us don’t laugh enough so here’s an extra dose for your day.
In case you were wondering (which of course you weren’t), you can buy a Unicorn mask on Amazon. Not just any Unicorn mask, but a magical Unicorn mask. At first glance, the buying page for this item just looks odd and a bit creepy. Upon closer inspection, you find random gems of awesomeness in the review section. I love finding things where people have spent time and effort for the sole purpose of making the rest of us laugh. Mission accomplished. Here’s a few of my favorites:
The Right One For Me
I’m going to be honest, I have tried several different unicorn masks in the past. I have about 6 masks from various retailers around the internet and I’ve gotta say, this is the right one for me. When I put it on, I feel the rush of pretending I am a real-life unicorn! It is so realistically styled that there’s a connection I feel deep inside when I put it on.
As mentioned in other reviews, the mask is very durable. The latex holds up well against brush and other woodland undergrowth. However, I found that when I tried to spear some pineapple from a tree or defend myself from approaching predators, the rubbery material of the horn just didn’t hold up as well as I needed it to. More times than I’d like to admit, I had to gallop away from an attacking bear instead of standing proud and defending my honor like an actual unicorn. The solution I came up with was to simply reinforce the hollow inside of the horn with steel rods welded in a cylindrical shape. I just gorilla glued the metal into place (making sure a longer, pointed rod stuck out of the end so that I can pierce the hearts of my enemies) and voila!
Now I have a sweet unicorn mask that lets me fulfill all of my unicornical fantasies. You will not be disappointed in this mask.
Magical, Yes… Durable, No
As others have said, this IS a magical mask. There’s simply no disputing that. The other day, when i picked up my daughter from school wearing the mask, the look on the faces of her classmates left no doubt that they had been touched by its magic. It’s not every day you see a unicorn at a community college, after all.
The issue for me, however, is durability. I’ve taken to wearing the mask along with a black PVC suit and crimson cape, and calling myself “Unicorn Man.” Imagine my disappointment when, the first time i attempted to spear an evildoer with my horn, it crumpled rather flaccidly. Since then i’ve reinforced the horn mechanically, but really, you shouldn’t have to apply after-market solutions or take over-the-counter medications to firm up a supposedly magical horn.
I came home one day to find this unicorn mask on the chair opposite my bed. I don’t know how it got there, but I know what it wants. Me. One day the unicorn mask will impale me on it’s horn and I will die. Until then, it watches me sleep at night. Watching. Waiting. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because I’ve seen a flash of light hit its’ eye and I think it’s time. Time for the unicorn mask. “Not yet, not yet,” the mask will whiny and I will fall back to sleep, to dream and wonder.
And of course, if you are completely sold on this item after reading this, click here to purchase one for yourself. Only $19.99!